Never, Say Never

Friday, January 30, 2009

I didn't ever believe in blogs.

I was totally against the thought of having anonymi's {there goes another one of my self-made words} peering into my thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

A blog (a contraction of the term "Web log") is a Web site, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order.
-extracted from an unreliable, implausible source that a writer/researcher shouldn't ever use

What I'm telling you is I'm a very private person. I refuse to let people really get to know me. I just feel that once a person knows too much, it makes you vulnerable in a sense. More susceptible to get hurt.

I've been called secretive, furtive, and surreptitious many times. Surreptitious, in my opinion is taken it a bit too far, but I accept the constructive criticism with open arms.

I truly believe that you telling me things about myself, teaches me more about me than I can come up with.

I mean, we don't ever really know ourselves, do we?

& no, it's not contradiction, I didn't ever say you can get in my head, just that you can see things in me, that without an out-of-body experience, I couldn't see for myself.

Throughout our lives, we go on these soul-searching, self-finding expeditions, and when we return home we're hit once again with the reality of others perceptions of us. So is it what you think of your self, or what people see you as, that really matters?

The secret to getting past my furtive ways is simply asking. I'm private, but honest & I've been told, that is what saves me. You can pretty much ask me anything & I try my best to be honest, give the whole truth & nothing but the truth, so help me God. If there is something I don't want to talk about, I simply won't answer.


I blog because over the years it's been so hard to resort back to my one true love. I've been distracted by school work, textbooks, RTV, no, not MTV, RTV - tell me the last time you saw a music video on that channel, maturing, living life, & last but not least the inevitable, unforgivable male species.

I blog because 20 years from now when my children are in their prime, they can have a place to recount the life of their mom, whom ever she will then be. Revel in her thoughts and get to know her in a way spoken words couldn't ever explain.

I blog because since I've started, I honestly haven't been able to stop. So I'm stuck between the compilation of eons of stickys & palm memos, & word documents that have been veiled, due to the lack of a venting source.

I've found you.

I've always planned to get back to writing, so now when I ask him, "have you been rhyming," & in rebuttle he hits me with, "have you been writing" I can proudly say, "yes, feast your eyes on"

It's been difficult to pull away from my worldly distractions long enough to show my .first. love that I didn't ever give up, didn't ever stop loving, & always will remain true because