Today is...

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Happy Birthday to ME!



Do Us Part

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I should be sitting across from him. At dinner. For the very first time. Legs crossed beneath the table. Like a lady. Manicured nails. Palm cuffed beneath the chin. Right. 4 carat Diamond ring. Left. An impatient sigh, blew the hair from my eye. Sit up straight. Fingers tapping. I wait. Lipstick stains on the twice filled glass. Flutes remain print-less as if we had Naegeli syndrome.

Through squinted eyes I peered over the shoulder of the pesky waitress as she asks for the third time if I needed a drink. This time, I should’ve said yes, “A Bob Marley please,” as a tyro rendition of No Woman No Cry repetitiously drowned my thoughts. Instead, I spot an older couple. Maybe in their seventies. He, once a restless scientist toiling to find the cure. She, a District Attorney wishing she’d worked a little less; just enough to raise a little angel, not the companion she met at 13. Once a man, twice a child. I imagined. Nevertheless, there was love. Love that withheld through lonely dinners, missed birthdays, long research sabbaticals, grueling court cases, and chemo. At the end of the journey, they still had each other. I wondered if we would.

The sound of thunder brought me out of my daze, nearly spilling the flavored water in my square-shaped goblet. Foot tapping, I felt a tingle, squeezed my thighs tighter. As rain broke through a sky of gray clouds, I shook my head and watched it hit the pavement. Picturing him bouncing out of a giant drop, I gazed through prestige windows that made me feel just as small as I did when I first moved to this city. His city. His streets. His bright lights. His big apple. His favorite restaurant. His birthday. His ass is an hour and a half late. I’ve always believed that music is life, but I never imagined it taking away the love of mine.

My napkin fell as I got up to rush to the restroom. A bladder infection on top of a ravenous stomach wasn’t going to help any. After relieving myself, I stared at my round face, almond eyes, and pouty-when-distraught lips. If I wore foundation, I would have piled it on. If I wore blush, I would have painted merry cheeks. Charcoal eye liner and deep cherry lipstick only highlighted my mood.

Walking back I notice the elderly couple had vanished. That quick? As if they were never there. Through a rack focus I spot a man standing at my table, running his forefinger around the rim of his glass. Excuse me, I thought, what the hell. But as I got closer to my seat a lump filled my throat and my steps became weak. Hesitation took over. I've never liked long black trench coats. Men in black harboring emotionless stares. I approached him, ready, so I thought. Was it someone from the industry? When our eyes met and his shifted, I knew it was the end.

I know the exact second I lost control. My hands shook, my feet quivered, lips trembled, tears fell. Memories flushed my mind. Just Married scripted on the back of the Maybach. He only rode in style. Black sand between toes on Waianapanapa Beach. Nights of coition on star kissed feather beds. Long talks about what each of our seven children would grow up to be. Whose lips and eyes our grandchildren would have.

At that moment, I realized I’d never sit across from him. Never wonder how life would’ve been if we made every dinner date. Arrived on time to every birthday party. Worked less. Took more vacations together. No children. No chemo.

Just, “I’m sorry, Mrs. Kest.”



Sunday, November 15, 2009

This is just too funny. Please find amusement in this. If not, don't fuss, just disregard.

Found it at The Ant Thomas Corner and had to repost...

The Boondocks

A real life instance...

The Boondocks poking fun...


Crippled. Part II.

Friday, November 13, 2009

I’m taking my love back. I knew I shouldn’t have given it away in the first place. Should’ve followed my dome. Instead of my heart that yearning to fill the void. It’s been three years since I’ve had one. A real one. And I swear I can take on another 10. It’s easier this way. Alone. Easier to live life. My life. For now. Consumed with work and school. I mean school and work. Easier not to need. Or give a shit. Damn. Or FCUK.

Digression: Profanity. I’m becoming a bit more comfortable with it. A censored version at least. As a child, I was always offended when people swore. It’s not that serious. I would think. But Mama says express yourself. That I shall do.

It’s important to stay focused. On everything I will achieve. Distractions are beneath me. And if I succumb to love, intimacy, and the art of being comfortable with goodmorning, how’d you sleep, have a good day, how’s your day going, talk to you when you get home, how was your day, I’ll call you in a sec, I went riding in the desert today, goodnight, sleep good, I’ll talk to you in the morning - I’ll forget about me again. And everything I will achieve.

Don’t ever settle for less I told her. You sell yourself short in the end. Losing your balance? It happens. Now get back on track. Don’t solely depend on another human being for anything you can give yourself. Make sure your life is aligned. So when the next loser comes around to knock you down, you’re only temporarily handicapped. It’s not a permanent state.

Practice what you preach.


A Star Is Born

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

If you haven't noticed, I LOVE MUSIC. Hence, why I always have a song blaring when you visit my page.

Music Is Life. The Soundtrack of My Life.

I am inspired by "A tight verse, over the perfect beat."

Always eager to find thought-provoking, noteworthy, and innovative artist, I stumble upon the up & coming, J. COLE. I am a stan of true Lyricists, and Jermaine Cole is a lyrical genius. He's the best I've heard since Lupe in a while and I am SURE he's going to make his mark. His style and thought process are refreshing, as we all need a little cool breeze every now & then.

A reminder as to why and how the culture of Hip Hop exists.

"...don't worry I'm just venting, the late night thoughts of a ni**a on a mission, and rock my girl to sleep in missionary position, tuck her ass in and then I went and grab pen and there you have it, words flowing like magic..."

He's the guy flowing on my page. Check on him here and here. I like him here too.



Friday, November 6, 2009

I can’t breathe. I whispered. He took my breath away.

My arms are limp. I said. I couldn’t hug him. Arms. Took away the strength.

My feet are numb. I cried. I could no longer get to him. He seemed so distant.

I can’t see. I screamed. Love is blind.

But it will not take over my mind.


I don't have to say you're beautiful...

Sunday, November 1, 2009

I absolutely LOVE love love this song. + performance.

Ryan Leslie is...pure genious.